Corn Chips With Einstein

by Rob Dinsmoor

Q: If you could spend an hour with any famous person from history, who would it be?

ME: Einstein. Definitely Albert Einstein.

Scene: Chi Chi’s Restaurant. ALBERT EINSTEIN sits alone at a booth, nibbling on corn chips. Enter ME.

ME: Sorry I’m a little late.

EINSTEIN: Yes, well, if you consider twenty minutes a little.

ME: Time is relative—right?

EINSTEIN forces a tiny smile. I pull out my cell phone and prepare to take a picture.

ME: Hey, I’d like to take my picture with you. Could you stick your tongue out? EINSTEIN: No. Is there anything you wanted to ask me? We only have forty minutes left.

ME: Well, obviously, I’m very curious about your Theory of Relativity EINSTEIN: I’ve written volumes on the subject. Have you read them?

ME: Of course! But not, you know, recently.

EINSTEIN: I studied and expanded upon the theories developed by Max Planck, who did a lot of work in something called “relativity theory.” Planck had already posited that—

ME: And hey! What about time travel?

EINSTEIN: What about it?

ME: I mean, is it possible or not?

EINSTEIN: From everything I’ve been able to ascertain— ME: Did you see “The Terminator?”

EINSTEIN: Excuse me?

ME: It’s this movie from the nineteen-eighties where this cyborg played by Arnold Scharzenegger travels back in time from the future to kill the mother of a guy who, in the future, leads the war against the killer robots who want to destroy humanity. You can’t make this stuff up!

EINSTEIN: Well, I passed away in 1955, so I didn’t—


ME (standing up) Sorry, Professor Einstein, I have to take this. Oh, it’s a Google calendar notification. I’m supposed to be meeting Abraham Lincoln at Bertucci’s in twenty minutes. But, hey! It’s been great talking to you. I’ve learned so much!